Living in Crazy Town

Throughout this adoption process, anytime someone finds out that we are adopting an orphan from Ukraine, they get very curious and excited ...... until.....they find out she is 16 years old.  Then the next sentence always is "ARE YOU CRAZY!!!!"  Maybe I am.

I saw one of our neighbors walking a large puppy the other day.  We met the new member of her family and chatted.  She shared that she was having some personal issues and that she may be on leave of her senses by getting a puppy.  I shared our adoption story with her, she smiled until I got to the part about K being 16.  She then agreed that I may be on leave from my senses as well.

I just thought about that today.  When we first started this adoption process, it was definitely through and by the direction of God.  We had no intentions of adopting again.  To us, our family was complete.  I have heard people say that God directed them down another path, through a fork in the road or He turned them around to do a 180 direction of what they had planned.  To me, I feel as though God picked me up and placed me in completely different town!!!!!  Thanks to everyone's input, I have now discovered that town is named Crazy Town!

Here in Crazy Town, nothing makes sense and its generally dark.  I cannot see the sidewalk or where my feet will land when I take my next step.  The only thing that is consistent is relying upon God's Word and prayer.  This is the motto in Crazy Town:

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart  and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways submit to him,  and he will make your paths straight.

The most important thing I know about living in Crazy Town is that God is here.  He is guiding me.  He has a plan and a purpose and I will trust Him.  So I am ok living here in Crazy Town, we have the best neighbor!  

I'm an Ogre.

Today has been an emotional day.  Our friends that are also adopting their daughter from Ukraine, left today.  We were blessed to be included in a group to pray over them before they left.  I had been mentally preparing to focus on them.  This was their day and their moment.  I am so thankful that God did allow me to feel that way.  It was so wonderful to pray for them and for the specific requests they had presented to the group.  However, once 4:00 p.m. came (the time their flight took off) my stomach was flipping.  Not that I was any less excited and happy for them, but I am ready to meet K, hold her, see her, kiss her and ultimately, be her mom.

I am very blessed that God has provided me with a husband that has such a compassionate heart.  He spent the afternoon popping in every now and then to say "It's 1 o'clock, they are driving to the airport!"  "It's 3:30, they are probably getting ready to board the plane."  "It's 4:45 p.m., they are in the air right now!!"  He was so giddy living vicariously through our friends.  So he says, "You need shoes for Ukraine, lets go get them now!"  I think he just wanted to be actively doing something towards the adoption since we are at a do nothin' stage.  So we did go shoe shopping and had a great time just being together.

On the way home I made the comment that we do not really have very many close friends.  J and I do everything together.  Really, we do everything together, grocery shopping.....house cleaning ...... gardening.....everything.  I am so blessed to have a husband that is truly my best friend, but once in a blue moon, I realize that we don't really have any close friends.  So J, in his best comforting attempt, says that I intimidate people.  He says people need to take the time to peal back the layers to find the real you.  Wait....what????!!!!  "So I'm an OGRE???"  (You had to have watched Shrek to get the humor :-)


I know he is right, about the layers thing.....not the ogre thing.  Adopting K is different from how our other children joined our family.  L, I gave birth to, and F, we brought her home from the hospital.  Meeting our daughter at the age of 16, is a different experience for us.  My prayer is that I am just a pile of mush when I meet K.  That my nervousness does not stop me from being comforting and nurturing to her immediately.  J is the more tender one of  us 2.  I pray that I am just as tender and that our family is able to start bonding right away.   That there is not any awkwardness, that she is reassured that she is our daughter with that first hug.  I pray she says "YES!" to the adoption.

Waiting is Hard to Do

L started 6th grade and F started Pre-School.  Where has the time gone?  We started the day with new clothes, new backpacks, breakfast and pictures on the front porch.  It was the first time in our daughters' lifetime that daddy was not there.  He had his own classroom to get ready.  At the end of the day, both girls were excited and ready to share all of their stories.  F's highlight was playing on the playground and snack.  L's highlight was getting a locker and switching classes.

J had his first day of school jitters.  As a child I never stopped to think about my teachers having feelings, let alone nerves.  But, now I am married to a teacher and ..... they have feelings and nerves!  We even took a big boy picture of him, in his new outfit, standing on the front porch on his first day too.

But I stop to think about my daughter's first day of school that I am going to miss.  See, K's orphanage has shut down.  On September 1st, she will leave the orphanage building where she has been staying, move into an "apartment" and start trade school.  This is something we were praying she would NOT have to do.  We were praying we would be there before September 1st so she would NOT have to go to trade school.  But now she is, and we won't be there.  There won't be anyone there to take her picture, she won't have a new outfit to wear, she never went shopping for new school clothes, she won't have a picture of her standing on the front porch, holding the homemade sign saying "First Day of Trade School."  She will simply enter school under her orphan number.

We have not heard any news on the adoption front.  We may not hear anything for another three weeks.  We just wait..... and wait.  We have sent K three packages.  Usually just candy, cheap fashion jewelry, notebook, etc.  Nothing too major but worth a million dollars to her.  Well we sent a 4th package on August 4th. This time, we included a New Testament written in Ukrainian, along with candy, pens and headbands.  But this one never made it.  We are so heartbroken over it.  THIS was the package we REALLY wanted her to get.

I have learned through this adoption process that it is possible to be happy, sad, excited and disappointed all at the same time and usually within ten seconds of each other.  I am excited for our friends that leave on Saturday to Ukraine to adopt their daughter, I am disappointed that we haven't heard if we have been approved by SDA, I am happy that my girls here love school and look forward to going, I am sad that my oldest daughter will start her first day of school at a place she does not want to be and no one is there to kiss her on her forehead when she lays down at night.

So in true pitty party fashion......I am off to watch The Notebook!!  

Reality Check: The Follow-Up

Ok, this is going to blow your hats off so hold on.......

So right after, I mean minutes, I posted the last blog, J calls me. Not about the blog (he had not read it, he was in training all day) but to tell me about his day.  See today was his "New Teacher Training" day for the district.  He doesn't really know anyone there since it is in a different town.  He left this morning feeling excited and so appreciative for the job that God has provided him.  So anyway, my phone rings and its him.  He starts with "YOUR NEVER GOING TO BELIEVE THIS!!"  So my response is, crap....what now?  "Ok, dear, what now?"  His response, still screaming to me at this point "THERE IS A NEW TEACHER HERE WHO IS FROM UKRAINE!!!"  Wow....wait....what?  He goes on to tell me that all the new teachers were there today for the district.  One of the beginning activities was for everyone to stand up and introduce themselves and tell something interesting about themselves.  So this woman, from a different school in his district, stands up to introduce herself and says that her interesting this is that she is from Ukraine!!!  J said he wanted to jump out of his seat right away to go talk to her but they didn't have a break for an hour.  He said it was the longest hour while he waited for the chance to bombard her with all his questions and excitement about adopting K.  But J said, as he waited the hour, he just kept talking to God in his mind, Wow God, I get it.  Look at what you have planned for me:

#1. I got a job
#2. I get to teach 3rd grade
#3. My superintendent hired me knowing I had to take time off for our adoption
#4. My principal is helping me look for a sub right away so there is a smooth transition when I leave
#5.  There is another new teacher here who is from Ukraine!!!
(Are your minds blown yet???? There's more)
#6.  Her name........ Inna!!!!!  (Ok, for those of you who know us, you know why that is exciting)

Do you see God's fingerprints yet??

Ok, here's the mind blowing (provided you read the end of my last blog)

So he finally gets to talk to her.  When she learns about K and our adoption, she is all excited, says she would love to tutor her but reassures us she will pick-up English quickly, gives him her email, phone number etc., tells us about the church she attends that has service in Russian, offers to talk to K to tell her how great America is.

Get ready.....here it comes......J tells her how nervous I am to travel by myself and especially on the train....."Oh No!  Tell your wife train ride is beautiful.  To get the "coupe."  It is a wonderful and beautiful train ride. She will love it."  WOW (still at this point as I am writing this, J has not read my blog!) How stinking amazing is that????  See? God's fingerprints.  "He has a plan, leave the details to the master," such great advise I had the blessing of receiving.  Isn't it exciting??!!!!

Reality Check

So it has been amazing to talk to K during the whole adoption process.  Such a blessing for us to get to know each other while we wait for God to unite us.  She LOVES puppies. Its wonderful to see her innocent side when she sends me pictures of the stray puppies that live at her orphanage.  It is my understanding that there are stray dogs all over Ukraine.  One, has taken domicile on the other side of the brick wall that encloses the court yard of the orphanage.  The dog has had a litter of puppies.   The children sneak through the gate to see the puppies.  Some of the "little kids" like to dress the puppies in clothes, small shirts of the children.  K has taken a sort of ownership of one, she has named her Cher.  I am waiting for the next question about bringing the puppy home with her.  But here is the sad reality that I don't think she has grasped....her orphanage is shutting down.  It is my understanding that the "little kids" have already been moved to another orphanage that is about 3 hours from where they were living.  K is one of 12 kids left staying at the orphanage until September 1st, when trade school will start.  They will have to leave the orphanage to go live at the trade school, or on the streets.  K is going to the trade school while she waits for us to arrive.  She probably doesn't realize that Cher will be long gone by the time we are ready to go home to America.

We spent yesterday evening at the orientation for K's school.  It was very odd to be talking to the teachers about the teaching plans for a child that neither one of us have ever met.  So many questions are going through my mind.  Will she be ok with changing her grade level?  She already completed grade 9 in Ukraine, will she be ok with repeating grade 9 in America?  Will we need to purchase a translator device for her?  How will she handle sitting in a classroom all day and not understanding a word the teacher says?  Will she mind wearing a uniform?  Will she enjoy chapel and realize God has  orchestrated our lives to come together at this precise moment?  Will she hate it here and want to jump on the next plane to Ukraine?  What God has called us to do, He will equip us to do....for HIS glory.

It still is surreal to me that I'm "expecting" a 16 year old daughter.....who I have never met.......who I love with my every being!!!!!

I was reading something, sometime, somewhere, that said that whenever you are going through a traumatic event or a difficult situation people's way of trying to comfort you is to say "God never gives you more than you can handle" and how that really is not very comforting, because it sure the heck feels like it is MORE than I can handle.  But when people say that phrase, it reminds me that although it may FEEL like more than we can handle but "NO temptation has seized you except what is common to man.  God is faithful; he will NOT let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  BUT when you are tempted, HE WILL also PROVIDE a way OUT so that you CAN STAND UP UNDER IT."  I Corinthians 10:13.   YES..... we will feel like there is more than WE can handle BUT HE will be glorified because you ONLY got through it because HE gave you a way out.   So yes, we will get more than we feel like we can handle, expect it, its a fallen world, but we must lean on Him to get us through it so He can receive all the honor, glory and praise.  Lean on Him.....so now I must pray and, well, lean on Him for strength because I am still struggling with the anxiety of leaving my business for so long and traveling to Ukraine by myself.  Oh, which includes a 15 hour overnight train ride, in a cabin (or car, whatever the term is), with possibly 3 total strangers, who may or may not speak English.  Yep, definitely in prayer!

We Are SUBMITTED!!!

Our dossier was officially submitted on Tuesday, August 6th, 2013.  I am so excited!!!!  I do not think there are enough exclamation points to demonstrate my excitement.  Praise The Lord!!!  The next phase will be that the SDA (State Department of Adoption and Children's Rights) will review our dossier.  They are "supposed" to issue a decision within 20 business days.  We are praying for a quick approval.  Then we will wait for an invitation to an appointment with the SDA.

K starts life at the trade school on September 1st.  We were praying we would have been there before this happened but there is reason God has us on this time table.  I messaged her to tell her that we were submitted.  I was expecting her typical responses of a smiley face, or "well" (as its translated) but for the first time ever, we received what translated to "hooray!"   It swells my heart to read her excitement.

I called both of my boss type figures to let them know what was going on with the adoption.  I have 2 contracts and each contract has a type of supervisor.  But it is the type of contract that if I never talk to them, then life is good.  Now the one contract, I can actually tell you that I have never spoken to that boss. He was very supportive.  He actually travels to Ukraine several times a year himself.  He immediately went into travel advisor mode and let me know some ins and outs of Ukraine.  He loves it there and he assured me that I will have a wonderful trip.

The boss of my other contract is an awesome, free spirited kind of woman.  She, as well, gave me raving reviews and wished us the best of luck.

I share these stories because the devil has a way of making a mountain out of a mole hill in my mind.  I had thoughts that my bosses would be frustrated and take my contracts from me.  It was actually the opposite.  Its as if God is going through the insane checklist I have in my mind and crossing each item off.  I feel as if He really just wants to shake some sense into me.  I am praying for my heart to change.  That my anxiety subsides because God has given very clear indications that "I got this" is the message He is trying to send to me.  I know that I am the stubborn mule he is trying to pull through this experience but my heals tend to be dug in pretty deep.  Honestly, I feel as though I am starting to take baby steps.  I know that this adoption process is the biggest leap of faith I think I have ever taken.  And, silly me, thought that I would have control of this process as well.  NOT HAPPENING!!!!  I am SOOOO far out of control that it is terrifying.  BUT, I know this is, and will continue, to cause me to lean on my God even more.  I believe the ultimate goal is for me to become completely dependent upon The Lord.  Why am I so scared of that?  Why is it so scary to be completely dependent upon the God that loves me so much that he gave his son for me, the God that made the financial mountain in my way crumble like sand, gave my husband a JOB, we are blessed with grandparents that will care for F while we are gone and have already accepted K as their granddaughter, blessed me with a child from birth, blessed me with F's adoption and now K's adoption?  Why would I not WANT to be dependent upon my God?  My Heavenly Father has provided so much grace to us.  Please join me in praying that I have a heart that is totally surrendered to God's plan.  

We are also praying for the hearts of the people working at SDA.  That they feel compelled to approve our dossier quickly and that we are provided a date to travel soon.  We also pray for our precious girls here, at home.  Their hearts are filled with so much love for K already.  To them, she is already their sister, despite never meeting.  And finally we pray for our daughter who is not with us tonight.  I have to share that when we were waiting to adopt F, the waiting was difficult, but we were waiting on her birth.  However, with K, she is already out there, trying to survive, on her own, without her family.  I see her empty bed in our home and my heart sinks by the heavy weight of wanting her in that bed.   We pray for her heart.  May her heart be filled with hope.  Something I believe she has not had before.  We pray for God's protection over her.  May all our hearts be filled with joy while we wait for the perfect moment God has planned for us to be together.

Did someone say "Go With the Flow?"

Tuesday, August 6th,2013.

I had to remind myself of this as a reviewed a few of my older posts.  Go with the Flow.  Yesterday we received a message that there was a problem with one of our documents.  I was very frustrated.  We were counting on being submitted this week.  We rushed and rushed to get this document fixed.  We are praying that our dossier was submitted today.  We have not heard.

I am working on trusting The Lord. My fear shows just that opposite of that.  God has blessed us with  the finances of this adoption, He placed it on our hearts to adopt K., He placed it in K.'s heart to be adopted, He placed it on L.'s heart to WANT to adopt an older sister, He has provided J. with a job that provides health insurance. There are so many blessings that God has given us these last through months, why don't I use those to capture the negative thoughts when they pop-up?