Refreshed and Renewed....in His Mercy!

I have to be honest, I had a pretty rough day yesterday (I didn't know if you could tell from my previous post, haha) But God awoke me this morning to this amazing face .....

And He reminded me of the nights I would sit in our empty nursery crying out to God to bring me my baby. We were matched with a birth mother two times and each birth mother changed her mind and decided to parent. It's an exciting time for the birth mothers and you are very happy for them, for their choice but at the same time, your sad. BUT THEN, God brought us F.  He knew the child He had planned for us and He was right (of course). F is amazing!!!! I thank God for picking me to be her mother. 

So I have been thinking about the nights spent crying in F's nursery....God had her planned.... He KNEW her.  The creator of the heavens and earth KNEW her!  His timing was perfect. If it were on my time, she would have been born pre-maturely. But she wasn't, she was born healthy and strong and as spunky then as she is now! 

So if God took care of F ....I MUST trust him to take care of K too!  I will have joy and peace while I wait on you Lord!!!!  Thank you for your new mercies each day!  And thank all of you for your fervent prayers for K and our family. We are blessed!! 

I'm Having a Pitty Party.......and a spaghetti dinner

This is a post from me, for me, about me.  I am sure J shares in my feelings but as the title says, it's my pitty party.

I have been TRYING to chose joy.  I have been seeing things daily that I am thankful for.  I KNOW God is working in our lives and in K's life.  He has His fingerprints all over this adoption.  I KNOW that this all can only have been accomplished through The Lord.

But, I FEEL sad.  I feel like a robot going through my days.  I do the work I am supposed to do,  I drive my girls to gymnatics, I attend the Bible studies, I provide positive and supportive comments to those that are struggling,  I smile to the people I am supposed to smile at, I say "Everything is fine" to who I am supposed to give that greeting to and I smile and say "No" ten times a day when asked, "Have you heard anything yet?"  I try to keep it together and positive for my girls, for the public, for the other adopting friends.

So reading this post you may feel like you are reading some serious crazy person's journal.  One minute your up, the next your down..... Yep, you are!  Welcome to my life!!!!   I am so blessed that we have a group of women that have put together a fundraiser for us.  "Thank you" doesn't even begin to cover my appreciation for these women.  By God's grace, this fundraiser should be it.  We should be 100% fully funded for our adoption!!!!  That is so exciting!!  I can't even begin to tell you what a blessing these women have been to our family.  I stand in amazement at the hearts God has placed K in.  Yes, I ask God to do wonderous things and I still stand in amazement when He goes above my requests.  I have faith and beleive in the wonderous powers of our Lord God, but I am still amazed when He exceeds my expectations, I will admit it, since I am apparently purging my emotions today.

So if I know God is in control, that he will work everything out for my good, for K's good, that He loves her beyond my human comprehension......then why do I feel like I want to curl up in a ball, under my covers and cry....only coming out when I know I need to pack?   There are families in Ukraine right this very day to adopt children that they have hosted, only to have those children refuse the adoption, they went back for a blind referral from SDA, met those kids....and they refused too.  Now they are going back to SDA for thier third and final referral.  They are excited to see where The Lord takes them!!!  Why can't I have a piece of that?  I'm sitting her pouting like a 2 year old because I have not received my travel date yet.  I am missing out on the thanksgiving of these precious moments while we wait.

In my defense, we have not heard from K since September 8th.  That was our one and only communication with her since she moved to trade school.  Her message was to tell us that she was sick with fever.  I have tried to call her but her phone is shut off.  I miss her.  I want to be in Ukraine, hugging her, kissing her forehead, taking pictures with her.  I want her to know the woman on the interent saying she's coming for her, is real.  I want her to know a mother's love.  I am praying for God to change my heart and my desire to stand before Him, in this uncertain time, with my hands wide open with thanksgiving.  Even if I am gritting my teeth, hahaha!!!

Bring on the spaghetti to bring K home!!!!!!

We Are Approved and Registered

By God's grace, we have been approved and are now registered with the Ukraine State Department for Adoption (SDA now DAP) to adopt.  The next step?  Can you guess?????  That's right......MORE waiting! Now we wait for an appointment with the DAP.  We are praying that date is in October, but of course, the sooner the better.

Psalm 100:4-5 "Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.  For The Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations."

God has really put it on my heart to be more thankful.  This adoption experience is excruciating.  The waiting in silence is horrible.  Now, I can only compare it to my domestic adoption...... THIS, is worse.  However, at the time of our domestic adoption, I remember J and I crying ourselves to sleep, longing for a baby.  Now, I see that God was growing us......shaping us.......strengthening us for just this adventure.  Let me tell ya.... This. Is. Draining!!!!!  So I know what you are going to say "Um, hello, I thought you were going to be more thankful!"  It's coming, hold on.

I am so thankful that God loved us enough to prepare us for this moment.  I am thankful that God is growing me to learn to let go and let Him have His way.  I am thankful for these precious orphans and that they do not even realize the lives God is touching because of them.  Praise God for giving comfort to the heart of the families still waiting to hear news about their documents, their travel, their court date,  their child.  Praise God for giving these orphans a heart for love.  That in despite of being rejected, despised and viewed as "bad luck" to society, God does not allow them to have hard hearts but hearts that long to be loved and comfort knowing that they are wanted by someone, somewhere.

We realize that ultimately, K can say no to our adopting her.  We pray that this is not the case, but we are trusting God to deliver us to the child He has intended for us.  Thank you God, for loving our children more than we do and because of you, they are never alone. Please provide all the families and children comfort while we all wait on YOUR perfect plan.

Still Waiting!!!!

I love that K has touched so many hearts.  That can only be done through God.  Many people ask us on a daily basis "Have you heard anything?"  My answer so far is "No" with a  :-(

Our dossier was submitted on August 6th.  The SDA is supposed to take, at most, 20 business days to review and provide an approval.  Well, the 20th day has come ......and .......gone.  My answer will still continue to be "No" with a  :-(

Thanks for all your prayers.

I have a few prayers requests:

We have friends that are in Ukraine now and are having complications with a family member of thier child giving consent to the adoption.

There is a family in Ukraine who met their possible daughter today.  Please pray for clarity for this family.

There are several families that are in Ukraine and several families getting ready to travel to Ukraine, please pray for safety, wisdom and pray that the adoption processes in Ukraine begins to become more cooperative.

And I have a praise today.  A child arrived safely home today from Ukraine, after her successful, but difficult, adoption.  The child was so excited to have bicycle.  God has blessed this family and this child.  Congrats to them.

God will provide our every need.  He loves these children, these orphans, and He will orchestrate everything for their good, we must remain faithful!!!

Focus on the Blessings!

After my last blog, I went to bed praying for God to change my heart and make me happy.  Then James 1: 2-4 came on my heart.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your father develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may  be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Its not about feeling happy.  It about being joyful.  I can choose joy.  I am commanded to have joy while I face trials because God is growing me for His purpose and His glory.  God has supplied us with the Holy Spirit, we are NOT LACKING ANYTHING. This is so awesome.

Psalm 40: 1-3
"I waited patiently for The Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God."

This journey is not about me.  It never was and never will be.  Everything I do, must point to God.   He loves K more than I can comprehend.  He knows what is best for her and I will not second guess His decisions.  He has blessed us beyond our expectations and He will not fail us now.

We had a great evening with some friends at church.  It was a wonderful evening of great food, fun and fellowship.  A small group of these ladies has grown so dear to my heart.  God has brought us together through this adoption. I am so blessed by the bond has been created with these women and the heart God has given them for adoption.  One of these women said to me tonight that after reading my blog, she understands that how I can get down and discouraged but that I must focus on the amazing blessings God has provided so far!!!!!  That is exactly what I needed to hear tonight.  I biblical reminder that God's got this.  You all are such a blessing and I appreciate the ongoing spiritual encouragement.

So,  we will choose joy, we will persevere and focus on the blessings as a reminder that God is growing us and giving us a firm place to stand.

Moving Day

Today, is the first day of school for Ukrainian children.  If you have parents (not an orphan), it can be a fun ceremony with flowers and smiles.  If you are an orphan, there is no one there to help you with this transition.  You simply make the move without any fanfare.  An orphan can go unnoticed.

We want to share some statistics that we have read (although we are all aware, statistics are based upon only what is reported)  Please ponder this:  orphans "graduate" from (or age out of) the orphanage at the age of 16.  70% of orphan graduates end up in a life of prostitution or crime.  10% of orphanage graduates commit suicide by the age of 18.

Today, our daughter left (aged out of) her orphanage forever and moved into the trade school, alone.  No parents, no family, no fanfare.  This new home is unknown to us.  We no longer know our daughter's address.  We have no idea as to the conditions she is living in, we have no idea who is supervising her.  This is not how it was "supposed to happen."  She was supposed to stay at the orphanage, despite aging out, until we arrived to take her home.  The orphanage shutting down was not part of OUR plan, K moving to a trade school was not part of OUR plan, waiting this long to travel was not part of OUR plan.

But this is what has happened and it a reminder that no part of this adoption was OUR plan.  It was all orchestrated by God.  We will be obedient to God.  But we are of the flesh and a sinful people, so let us tell you, the waiting is EXCRUCIATING!  You have to put yourself in our shoes, please.

This is the only way I can try to explain it to a non-international adoptive parent.....You are a parent of an older child, that older child is away at summer camp.......BUT you have NO idea when your child will be home, and not only do you not know when your child will be home, you have sit and wait EACH and EVERY day for the camp counselor to call you to let you know when you can come pick your child up and in the meantime, you have no idea where her camp is located ........and your CHILD waits........ EACH.......... and .........EVERY.......... day for you to come get them to take them home!

"Hear my prayer, O Lord, listen to my cry for help; be not deaf to my weeping."  Psalm 39:12

Please pray for K.  Please pray that God fills her heart with hope while she waits for us.  Please pray for her protection while we are apart.  Please pray that she feels God's loving arms wrapped around her, loving her.  Please give praise to the God that hears our cries and holds our tears in His hands as He is preparing the way for us.  We will persevere to finish the work God has ordained for us, through His strength alone.